Teachers are class conscious!

Teachers!

They’re bossy and straight-laced. Don’t have a funny bone in their whole body. They don’t cuss. Don’t act wild. Don’t drink nor fornicate.

They carry rulers and swords and use them wickedly if you’re bad. They mark your blogs up with red writing, findin’ all the misspellings’ like they were the dang-burn grammar po-lice!

The only thing teachers are good for is thinkin’ up treasure hunts for their peeps!

See that there pink thingy on the side? That there is your invite to a treasure hunt. I didn’t want to put it there but a teacher made me. Like I said, she carries a sword. She’s mean. She’s gonna make us work for our treasure!

Jump on over to that there blog she’s so proud of and find out all about it.

But beware! She’s mean!

Winners and losers!

Contest-wise, I am not a lucky person.

Years ago I attended a meeting for an organization at Texas A&M University. Not knowing how many people would be attending, our speaker graciously brought a buttload of door prizes, 48 to be exact. We had 50 attendees. Do I have to spell it out for you?

Hope was extremely high in my heart when the speaker first started drawing names. I mean, the odds for me to win something really nice had to be relatively high, or so I thought. When the grand prize went elsewhere, I told myself not to worry. Plenty of good stuff was left to win.

But the good things disappeared fast and none to me. With each name called, I found myself accepting my fate of taking home an also-ran prize, something small, something equal to dog poop in a baggie.

But even that prize passed me by, me and one other person in the room. The situation was so intense and embarrassing that she and I couldn’t even make eye contact with the other attendees. We were losers of the worst kind – dog poop losers.

The winners in the meeting rushed back to their offices proudly bearing their prizes, accepting praise for their good karma. Us two losers took our time heading back to our desks. In fact, if I remember correctly, the route I took back to my office led me to my car in the parking garage, then off University grounds, and subsequently home, not to reappear again at my desk until Monday morning. I told my boss I had taken the slow, thorough route.

Which leads me to David’s giveaway on his blog. The way he has used spreadsheets to calculate chances of winning is impressive and, to the average blog reader, it would seem I have a better chance of winning than anyone else. After all, I have 39 chances. GringeFirl, my closest competitor, has 28 chances. I actually have 11 more chances to win than she does. But then again, I didn’t even win the dreadful socks in one of her giveaways!

I’m taking bets now on my chances of winning and let me tell ya, I’m betting against myself. Don’t bother bagging up the dog poop, David.

Bling ain't my thing!

Unless, of course, it's junk bling!

But I'm all over partying Texas-style and the wingding Talking Trash is throwin' for her 100th post is truly Texan.

I'm so excited about the party I'm feeling a little squirrelly.




Ya see, my date to this two-steppin' madness is George Clooney Cooney, a real Texas coonboy cowboy!



What a couple we'll make!

Drawing the winner from...er...um...a cleavage?

Sometimes it's pretty hard to find a clean bowl at my house or any other type of clean container that could possibly hold all the numbers from your entries to my 100th post contest. So either I had to do dishes or improvise.

I was standing at the kitchen sink with a dishrag in one hand and a bottle of dish soap in the other, asking IT Guy what I was suppose to do next, when the doorbell rang. The minute I saw Renee I knew I was saved from the drudgery of housework. I had my container!


No, that's not teeth in a red shark's mouth. It's papers with your numbers on them in Renee's Wonder Bra! If you don't believe me that it's a wonder bra, just read the 2Chippys' story on it.

As you can see, Renee had to have help. She just couldn't seem to do it on her own!


So Renee and Sally announce that the winner to my 100th post contest is...
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Keep scrolling!
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You feel kind of stupid doing this, don't you?

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BDOGS!!!!!

Congratulations, Bdogs. Email me at thetexaswoman@gmail.com with your address so I can send you the cypress knee santa!

Totally Tasteless Tuesday! 99th post!

Tomorrow
100th post,
contest,
blogbook Shuffle debut!

Butt today is Totally Tasteless Tuesday!

My tasteless butt.

Photo of tasteless butt doorbell sent to me by Robin!

What can I say? Robin out-tastelessed me!

Contest acomin'! Ninety-seventh post and counting!

You're probably not aware of this but my 100th post is coming up shortly. I've left hints about it here and there because I heard you were suppose to send me presents when I reached it. That thinking has since been corrected.

Now I've been told I'm suppose to give you presents when I post the 100th one. Bummer - for me, that is, not for you.

I've asked myself over and over. What can I give you for a 100th post contest? A taxidermied animal? My sick dog? My wonderful husband? One by one I've ruled those out - or they were ruled out for me.

Then I thought of something only I could offer - Shuffle, my book manuscript, posted on my blog chapter by chapter every couple of days. That's 22 chapters, as I recall, so it will take awhile.

Shuffle was written by me and my daughter, Code Woman. At first all we wanted to do was write a book for ourselves. So many times after we'd finished reading a book, we'd say to each other, "We could have written a better book than that one!" We just didn't count on falling in love with our characters and wanting to see them between the covers of a real book.

So we entered Shuffle in a respected contest AND WON FIRST PLACE. We also earned a little bit of money! With that encouragement we contacted two or three agents but had no takers. Now, with the economy like it is, agents and publishers aren't interested in buying anything from unknown writers! Consequently, you get to read Shuffle for free starting my 100th post!

Shuffle is a story about a strong woman named Tana Rose, who's known to just about everybody as T.R. She presides over the classiest underground poker room in Central Texas until a local, legendary cowboy hijacks her pickup and starts her on a five-day downward spiral that involves the three things in Texas hotter than the weather - hot men, hot checks, and hot poker.

That's the tease. Pretend it's on the back cover.

We hope you read our book and leave comments. Nice comments. It's hard to put our baby out there for just anyone to read and accept or reject. We've never had an editor so we know it's not perfect and needs help. That's what editors do. But we hope you enjoy Shuffle and accept it for what it is - a fun read from two Texas gals who want to entertain you. And it's free!

Oh, and if you leave comments on the 100th post, there'll be presents for one of you. Picture of said presents tomorrow.