Runnin' around Warrenton

OK, let’s pretend I’m broke − money-wise, that is, not to the saddle!

That doesn’t take much pretending nowadays, does it?

So, here I am with no money and I’m headed home to Bryan after flying over the valleys of Central Texas Hill Country. And there right in front of me is Warrenton. Wonderful, wonderful Warrenton.

The advertised start date of this antique and junk festival is less than a week away but traders are already setting up their wares under big, white tents. Early bird junk collectors are grabbing up the unique items that vendors have herded together and headed out to the bluebonnet-covered fields of this rural community.

What’s an empty-pocketed girl to do?

Shop by camera, of course!

Guess which picture I like best!

Terlet Talkin'

I cleaned the master bathroom today before work. A good cleaning, not one of those declutter and spit ones, you know, where after you pick up all the old newspapers, empty shampoo bottles, and old beer cans, you spit on a toothpaste splatter on the mirror and rub it off with your elbow.

Anyway, it’s my bathroom and if that’s how I want to clean it, it’s OK with me. Who else is gonna use it besides me and ol’ point and shoot himself? (And I’m talking about your new gun here, dear.) ;)

Anyway, I was scrubbing the terlet and wondering how many different terlets I had scrubbed in my lifetime, in how many different houses, in how many different towns and states, and how many times I had scrubbed each terlet, added together for a total number of…what? I don’t know but as the old saying goes, “If I had a nickel…!” Personally, I think I’d be a zillionaire!

Anyway, my sink drain was looking a little peaked, so I took the wire terlet scrubber to it and that made me wonder how long germs stay alive on such things. Would last scrubbing’s germs have died out by now? Dried out from lack of moisture? Come back to life after rehydration? That kind of bothered me so I took one of the toothbrushes my dentist gives me and starting using that on the drain. I don’t use those toothbrushes on my teeth but I make sure I get one each and every time I visit my dentist. They are so good for things like this.

Anyway, I use an electric toothbrush on my pearly yellows. The dentist doesn’t read my blog so I’m not cutting off my supply here. He's up on dentistry but not so much on computers. But as I was scrubbing away at the built-up minerals on the drain (minerals, I said. Not dirt!), I noticed engraving I’d never seen before. Of course, that made me scrub harder with the toothbrush but not much happened so I went back to the wire terlet scrubber which I’m sure was by then germ free after the air had sanitized it and I scrubbed again until all the words were clear, although rather dull looking.

It stated, “Do not use harsh chemicals or wire terlet scrubbers on this drain.”

Anyway, what I want to know is should I scrub IT Guy’s sink drain with the wire terlet scrubber too so both sinks look alike? Please hurry with your answer. IT Guy gets home at 5:20.

Totally Tasteless Tuesday

I traveled to Victoria, Texas, this past weekend and discovered her secret. I also found out that all this recession talk is a bunch of balderdash. Or maybe Victoria, Texas, is just recession proof.

For those faint of heart, stop reading NOW. One more sentence will be too late. Way too late. Ya see, I went to Victoria to attend a sex toy party with our Intimacy Advisor (yes, that’s what her business card says) Mandy.

In all my days I’ve never heard of a sex toy party and I’m 63-years old. But then again maybe that’s why I haven’t heard of them. Age apparently limits invitations to such things. I was the oldest woman there and made a valiant effort not to burst into laughter at such terms as “Shake hands with your….”

No, I can’t even say it or I'll break into side-splitting laughter again and my body still hurts from laughing so hard the other night. Use your imagination to finish the sentence but try to control your hysteria! After you reach a certain age, people are always watching you, wondering when they should call the family lawyer and have you committed.

So I maintained my composure through demonstrations of animal-named sex toys, such as the Dancing Dolphin, the Turtle Frenzy, the Rabbit Habit, and the Jack Rabbit, and through veggie- and flower-named toys, Pretty in Pink Pineapple, Tempting Tulip, and the Magic Mushroom. But it was a struggle. I found myself vibrating, so to speak, with internal laughter, especially when told how positions that come naturally during intimate moments now have names. The Backwards Cowboy, for example. Who knew?

We also learned there are all kinds of bullets - the plain Bullet, the Double Bullet, the Beaming Bullet, the Maxi Bullet, and the Mini Bullet - which was quite interesting to me since IT Guy and I had just spent the day jumping from one gun shop to another, looking for a certain gun and I didn’t see any of those bullets advertised. He did, however, find and buy THE gun that he’s been looking for all over Texas.

There was also the Pretty in Pink Bullet which I thought went with the pink .22 but our young hostess corrected me. By this time her mother, my friend Ann, had long since gone to bed, for which I was grateful because the ladies were about to receive a demonstration of the Backwards Cowboy, a not-to-be missed event but one which would have thrown Ann into heart failure if she had viewed it.

So after we had fondled and sprayed, rubbed and sniffed, and placed and replaced batteries in unending order, we got to the buying part. Which of these little gems would each of the lovely single and married party goers want to take home….

We never got to know. Apparently that’s Victoria's secret. Our intimacy advisor took each goer into the master bedroom one at a time to take their order in private. After all that sharing, all that intimacy, we would never know who preferred which sex toy. But we would get to know how much money they spent, since the hostess gets a gift based on the total dollar amount.

Let’s just say that in Victoria, Texas, there is no recession, only secrets.

Things we saw garage sale-ing. Don't you wish you lived in Texas?

Renee, A Junk Queen, and I got up early this morning to garage sale. The sun was just coming up over the edge of the world. The fields were still foggy and wet. So was Renee. Two friends were heading towards the same sale, but I gunned the Pumpkin Wagon, and we beat them to the bargains.
They weren't happy about it, though, and one of them really gave us the old evil eye. She didn't scare me. I had Renee sitting shotgun - literally. Renee lost her glasses at the first sale, not the first time that has happened, but we still found this great planter. I hesitate to tell you what this planter was in its first life, because yesterday I said that was my last post about you-know-whats. So just think a minute and it will come to you. Isn't that a great recycle idea? I bet you could pick it up for a song, like the fellow on the left did.

We barely made it home. The Pumpkin Wagon kept pulling over and talking with his friends.

Seriously, Renee says that's the last time we drive that orange thing. It's too little to haul all the stuff she wants to buy!