Merry Christmas from me!

Recognize this elf?

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

It's ME!

A Christmas Story - NOT!

Our little dog Joey is a revenge shitter. When things don’t go his way, he pops a poop.


For example, when Juan-in-a-Million and I want some alone time, we lock the dogs out of the bedroom. For a while Joey protests as loudly as he can but ultimately he gets even with a pile of pooh – not close enough to the door to step into but strategically placed so that it’s the first thing you see when you walk out of the room.

Juan-and-Only says that calling Joey a revenge shitter is a little strongly put. He prefers the terms Joey the Pooh or The Turdinator. Whichever, they all adequately describe the little fellow in language that tickles pre-teen boys.

The only reason I bring up Joey’s bad behavior this time of year is that I expect a lot of protest poop this season. Ya see, Juan-of-a-Kind and I have decided not to buy Christmas presents this year – for anybody! Not each other. Not the children. Not the grandchild. Not even the dear little doggies!

Considering my current situation, we just want the focus of the holiday to be on our love for each other, our love for the children and grandchild, and, of course, our love for our fur-children.

Hmmmm. There might be more protest poop under our Christmas tree than just Joey's!

P.S. I have completed my 12 Taxol chemo treatments and am currently on a two-week break before starting my FAC chemo. I should be done with FAC by mid February. After a month-long break, I'll have my big operation, followed by radiation. Thanks to all of you for your support. It's meant so much to me. Love and hugs, Cher

Christmas colors - red, green, and yellow

I never thought it would happen to me but it has. This Christmas season has changed me. I’m not saying I’m a better person, just a changed person.

Before the holidays I was a normal woman. I could talk the talk in my social circle and walk the walk at parties. But now, you see, I’m different. I’ve become an eggnogstic.

I admit I hadn’t really considered eggnog’s existence. I always took it for granted this time of the year but didn’t feel it was a power I wanted to tap. When a client recommended a specific brand of eggnog to me, I casually picked up a bottle, pre-rummed, pre-brandied, and pre-whiskied. No messy measuring. And, following directions of the client, I placed the bottle in the freezer.

It didn’t take much contemplation on my part to make this drastic change. After a couple sips of the ice cold, creamy stuff, I was hooked. And it wasn’t like I’d been an eggnogtheist before. I’ve had eggnog, just not the kind with alcohol embedded in the bottle.

I asked friends and family their thoughts on eggnogstics but they responded with some mumble-jumble about religion and God and they totally lost me. I didn’t get the connection at all. Their reactions were bizarre.

My sis recommended I visit a religious tolerance website and gather information on spiritual beliefs. She says I need to find a group of like-minded people so I can have support for my new beliefs.

I think I need to go to the liquor store and buy more eggnog before the season for such things is over!

Why my children are in therapy!

Merry Christmas
to all!

Who squashed the cat?

It's getting close to Christmas...

...and Santa has asked me to respond to several of your last minute gift requests. Naively, I said yes.

First of all, Cat Daddy, Santa told me he didn’t think you needed to go hog hunting at Christmastime. That’s a time for baby Jesus, your family, and your friends. If you insist on going, he said, that’s between you and Trash Talker but what IS Santa’s business is the new hog hunting equipment you asked for...

REQUEST DENIED!
~~~~

To the Moonlight Hollow ladies: I had never heard of the portable urinating device that allows women to pee standing up until you sent Santa this address: http://www.pmateusa.com/. I must admit the name, P-Mate, is clever but is this really something you want to be caught with in your purse?

I was very thankful the website did NOT provide a photo of their product! I didn't even have to ask Santa about this one...

REQUEST DENIED!
~~~~

Mindy, You know I love you. And Santa loves you. And Snakelover loves you. But none of us understand you using your Grandma's teeth as a decorating piece! With that said Santa wants you to know that he has found the teeth you asked for and that your gift request has been...

APPROVED!
~~~~

Renee, Santa realizes that a woman of your...a...er...ampleness has certain needs. He also realizes your husband works long hours and is too tired when he gets home to fill those needs. So your request for an extra husband around the house to move those big pieces of furniture has been...

APPROVED!
~~~~

Being married to a minister can be frustrating. Santa knows, FringeGirl, that you need a little devilment in your life so your request for a rubber ducky devil has been...

APPROVED!
~~~~

WhisperWood, you're far away from Aggieland and Santa knows how lonely you are for your fellow Aggies so your request for a sign to show Aggies the way to your home has been...

APPROVED!
~~~~

PJ, Santa thinks you've got talent! Real talent! He loves your work! So the request for a seashell with the Lord's Prayer engraved on it is...

DENIED!
You can make one more colorful than this one, with buttons, and feathers, and junk!
~~~~

And finally, Theresa. Santa didn't think long on this one at all and neither did I. Your request to have your own magazine is...

APPROVED!
~~~~

To the rest of my wonderful friends-made-through-blogging who apparently got their Christmas list to Santa early, your gifts will be under the tree when you wake up Christmas morning...

Friendship will be wrapped in blue!

Love will be tied with a big red bow!

And health will be...
~

~

~

~

~

~

...AT YOUR LOCAL GYM SO GET YOUR BUTT THERE AND EXERCISE IN THE NEW YEAR!!!

Love,

Santa and The Texas Woman

From out of the December Darkness...

...a Christmas glow appears down the street. With green eyes staring our way, I can only assume it's a holiday monster looking for a meal of humbug or a Christmas tree that's escaped from a well-decorated living room!


The darkened windows, blackened wheel-wells, and colorful lights give the creature a mysterious air of combined holidays - spooky Halloween and joyful Christmas.


IT Guy and I caught up with the winter wonder at its lair, a secluded place right in plain sight. You can't see it in the daytime. It only comes to life after dark.


During the day, the luminous limousine is just the average, everyday, vintage Volkswagen pickup, driving its owner to work.

But at night, driving down city streets, it brings Christmas joy to all who see it.

And if you miss it when it's out for a drive, you can always catch it at home, still lit up in all its glory!

P.S. Thanks to the Rocket family for years of Christmas enjoyment!

P.S.S. My 100th post contest continues and is open until Saturday noon, Texas-time. To enter, go to yesterday's post and leave a comment.

Totally Tasteless Tuesday! Ninety-fourth post and counting!

Ahhhh...folk art!

'Twas a good day!

I had a WhisperWood-kind of garage sale day today! That means I found some junk I love at great prices.

And I decorated the house for Christmas.

Yup, this tree is it! That's all I'm doing for Christmas, and I wouldn't be doing that if I hadn't found it at a garage sale today. Three bucks. Handcrafted. Made of sheet metal. Folds flat for storage. My kind of tree.

Let's face it, when you add three adult children, a grandchild, their friends, their dogs, m-i-l and wheelchair, and a turkey to our house, there's no room for a tree. I'll spray the house with pine cleanser or something!

At another sale I found this old copper stencil and frame (two bucks), along with the chippy lock box (1 dollar. I'll put all our remotes in it) and CDs (50 cents each. Village People are great to exercise to and Dr. Oz is the bomb). I want the letters on the sign to pop more so I guess I'll take it apart and spray paint the background black.



A return trip to that sale after the prices halved garnered this cigar humidor, complete with totes and cutters and lighter. Plus two still-sealed cigars. Five bucks. IT Guy and the boys have this manly-man thing going with cigars, sitting outside no matter what the weather and smokin' their sticks. Five bucks! Oh, and the Mexican table cloth for 75 cents.


The leather-bound Louis L'Amour were a dollar each. I love the green Ball canning jar, especially for a quarter. The old platter is crazed just like I like 'em and the price was like I like 'em too. Another quarter.


The chippy black and white medicine cabinet (four bucks) even came with a note:

"This medicine chest came out of the Centerville Texas Hotel, downtown, just NW of the square, before they gutted it and remodeled it into the annex it is today, housing county offices such as the Juvenile Probation, Extension Offices" signed JB.

The belt is to die for. From Canton. Five bucks. The blue and rust wire duck was different enough for me to buy at a quarter.


And that's it. I had an 'ell of a morning shopping.

Eat your heart out, WhisperWood!