First of all, Cat Daddy, Santa told me he didn’t think you needed to go hog hunting at Christmastime. That’s a time for baby Jesus, your family, and your friends. If you insist on going, he said, that’s between you and Trash Talker but what IS Santa’s business is the new hog hunting equipment you asked for...
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To the Moonlight Hollow ladies: I had never heard of the portable urinating device that allows women to pee standing up until you sent Santa this address: http://www.pmateusa.com/. I must admit the name, P-Mate, is clever but is this really something you want to be caught with in your purse?
I was very thankful the website did NOT provide a photo of their product! I didn't even have to ask Santa about this one...
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Mindy, You know I love you. And Santa loves you. And Snakelover loves you. But none of us understand you using your Grandma's teeth as a decorating piece! With that said Santa wants you to know that he has found the teeth you asked for and that your gift request has been...
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Renee, Santa realizes that a woman of your...a...er...ampleness has certain needs. He also realizes your husband works long hours and is too tired when he gets home to fill those needs. So your request for an extra husband around the house to move those big pieces of furniture has been...
APPROVED!
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Being married to a minister can be frustrating. Santa knows, FringeGirl, that you need a little devilment in your life so your request for a rubber ducky devil has been...
APPROVED!
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WhisperWood, you're far away from Aggieland and Santa knows how lonely you are for your fellow Aggies so your request for a sign to show Aggies the way to your home has been...
APPROVED!
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PJ, Santa thinks you've got talent! Real talent! He loves your work! So the request for a seashell with the Lord's Prayer engraved on it is...
DENIED!
You can make one more colorful than this one, with buttons, and feathers, and junk!
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APPROVED!
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To the rest of my wonderful friends-made-through-blogging who apparently got their Christmas list to Santa early, your gifts will be under the tree when you wake up Christmas morning...
Friendship will be wrapped in blue!
Love will be tied with a big red bow!
And health will be...
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...AT YOUR LOCAL GYM SO GET YOUR BUTT THERE AND EXERCISE IN THE NEW YEAR!!!
Love,
Santa and The Texas Woman
BEER SIGN APPROVED! COME ON AGGIES! (Just ignore all the winter storm warnings that you might be seeing right now. And bring some warm sunshine with you! Jump on I35 and head north until the highway stops. Yes, that's right...we're at the end of the world. You've wanted to visit there, right? I thought so!) See you when you get here! Beer will be chilling in the snow bank!
ReplyDeleteAmy
You've made my day! I can't wait till Santa brings my rubber duckie devil. I've already got a doggie devil and she pittals when squeased. Hopefully the devil duck only quacks.
ReplyDeleteI gotta get my big BUTT in that gym. My bottom is starting to resemble a giant sugar cookie.
So what is Santa bringing The Texas Woman? Maybe a stuffed chipmunk climbing a candle or perhaps a hardened lizard lounging on a branch?
Have you been naughty or nice? Hmmmm...on second thought, don't answere that.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
-FringeGirl
This is so sweet! More teeth! Yee haw!!!!! Thanks Santa....(and Cher). ~Mindy
ReplyDeleteAnd for all of you making this long trip...just for the free beer...you will be needing the P-Mate! Need the guaranteed 20 percent discount on the P-Mate? Just contact the following address with your name, address, date of graduation, and length of hangdown: thetexaswoman.blogspot.com.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas, Texas Woman! Happy holiday...approved!
Malisa
And what about poor old Tn'T. No teeth, no duckie, no p--ing, no beer, no nothing. Doesn't anyone care what I want for Christmas? Noooo! It's all about C.D. the star of our Trashdom. Cher and Santa, how's about approving Captain Jack for me-Sabe? Tn'T
ReplyDeleteAPPROVED!
ReplyDeleteThe Texas Woman
Oh, I was lusting after that ugly thing... sigh... Let's see, Santa's gonna bring THE TEXAS WOMAN a special something... gotta think on this... snicker.... teehee...
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to get that inflateable husband, just make sure he can bench press 500 lbs. I need a big cabinet moved! NOW
ReplyDeleteCher, you are absolutely the funniest ever!! What about you, what was on your list? Will you write the articles for my magazines, I can take all the pics. Great team, don't you think? Please tell Santa, thanks for making my all my Christmas wishes come true!
ReplyDeleteOk, Cher&Santa...have you NOT been reading our blog? I am the ignored one-who-doesnt-collect-butter-pats-CHippy. Where is the love? That is all I want. Some love
ReplyDeleteox lulu