Sunday, September 27, 2009

Watching Juan sleep

Lately, in the middle of the night, my mind kicks into overdrive, pops my eyes open, and leaves me wide awake — with very few options. If I get up, the dogs do too and the flurry and commotion that ensues is not conducive to any of us returning to a sleeping dog pile.

So I stay in bed and watch Juan sleep.

Juan-watching is not as uninteresting as one might think. He can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, and in the most unusual positions. Also he hums words in the back of his throat every time he exhales. His favorite word seems to be 0-Oh-me, pause, 0-Oh-me, pause, 0-Oh-me, pause. For hours. Or until the word changes.

Uh-uh (meaning no and not to be confused with uh-huh meaning yes, which I’ve never heard him hum), is popular with him too. Fi-i-re, hummed with a bit more exuberance, is probably left over from his days as an assistant fire chief. He’s never exhaled y-es-dear, but I contribute that to the fact that the consonants y and d are hard to hum.

But the other night’s Juan-watching reminded me of another one of my inventions.

I haven't dated in the last 20-years but I do have sympathy for the single women out there.

She picks out this great looking cowboy while she's on the prowl and takes him home. Then what? He kicks off his alligator boots, strips out of those slim Wranglers, and stashes his hat on her bedpost. As he climbs into bed, the single gal realizes all his charming personality was in the clothing! Her mind screams, "What have I done?"

My invention solves this problem. It called the Cowboy Keeper and is modeled here by Juan Luckybastard.

Ah, you say, that hat isn't that attractive from the back but ladies, just look how great this cowboy looks in my bed!

See why it's called the Cowboy Keeper? I'm keepin' this guy!


  1. Cute! Both the post and the hubby! Was he excited that you took his picture during his slumbers?

    I think my hubby's cute and a keeper too. Photogenic during sleep though? I think not. Sleeping Art is "Elephant-nosed Honkey"( his name, not mine), due to his c-pap machine. Mask, hose, and machine make an unsettling picture until you get used to it. The white noise of the machine makes up for his snoring -- snoring akin to a jeep running flat out hauling a load of rinos, with a few elk bugling thrown in for good measure. Love that man dearly, though.

  2. Disclaimer: The gal in the picture with the two guys is not single and was not looking to be "picked-up". She was merely helping a friend showcase her new "invention". She was glad to help out! :-)

  3. Ok...Was he awake during the last shot or is he a deep sleeper? I would never get that lucky with mine, he is alight sleeper so I have to tiptoed my way to bed. Sooooo very funny.

  4. Hey girly, how's it going. I took a blog break for a week or so, super stressed from bad days at work!! I am totally with you on watching the hubby sleep, I never sleep as well as he does so therefore our little Chiuahaha (i know I demolished the spelling) crawls over me all night long. I actually put my entire hand across his face last week for 5 mins to see if he would wake, nope not even for a sec!! Anywho, my firend had her surgery last week, her lymph nodes and milk ducts/glands were fine, she had one of her boobies taken so we are going to all have to give her support, 31 years old. I will get you an email or mail address for her soon. LOVE your rockin new hair-do, BIG HUGS, Janna

  5. You are just too damn funny!!! hugs, Sue

  6. Well, now we know one thing that goes bump in the night -- Cher pressing that camera button.

  7. You always know how to make us girls laugh and what a way to go about it!!!
    Juan really is one lucky guy!!!

  8. Cher, this is very, very funny, as only you can be! Angie

  9. Witty posting! Juan looks cute in that hat...and it's a "good thing" -excuse me Martha- that you put it on him, because I didn't recognize him without it (he had his hat on at the party last night, when we met for the first time.)

  10. P.S. Just noticed that your model is standing in front of the Texas phallic symbol...the chili pepper. Hot staging!

  11. Oh this one cracked me up!!! Lovin' the hat idea... maybe the back could kinda concertina to one side ready for the sheet show??

  12. It scares me when I think what you can talk that man into... And he's happy doing it. And to be able to talk normal looking people into helping you do it. Uh, they looked normal... Did you sell used cars?


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