Sunday, September 27, 2009
Watching Juan sleep
Lately, in the middle of the night, my mind kicks into overdrive, pops my eyes open, and leaves me wide awake — with very few options. If I get up, the dogs do too and the flurry and commotion that ensues is not conducive to any of us returning to a sleeping dog pile.
So I stay in bed and watch Juan sleep.
Juan-watching is not as uninteresting as one might think. He can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, and in the most unusual positions. Also he hums words in the back of his throat every time he exhales. His favorite word seems to be 0-Oh-me, pause, 0-Oh-me, pause, 0-Oh-me, pause. For hours. Or until the word changes.
Uh-uh (meaning no and not to be confused with uh-huh meaning yes, which I’ve never heard him hum), is popular with him too. Fi-i-re, hummed with a bit more exuberance, is probably left over from his days as an assistant fire chief. He’s never exhaled y-es-dear, but I contribute that to the fact that the consonants y and d are hard to hum.
But the other night’s Juan-watching reminded me of another one of my inventions.
I haven't dated in the last 20-years but I do have sympathy for the single women out there.
She picks out this great looking cowboy while she's on the prowl and takes him home. Then what? He kicks off his alligator boots, strips out of those slim Wranglers, and stashes his hat on her bedpost. As he climbs into bed, the single gal realizes all his charming personality was in the clothing! Her mind screams, "What have I done?"
My invention solves this problem. It called the Cowboy Keeper and is modeled here by Juan Luckybastard.
Ah, you say, that hat isn't that attractive from the back but ladies, just look how great this cowboy looks in my bed!
See why it's called the Cowboy Keeper? I'm keepin' this guy!