Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Saga of the purple ta-ta

This whole lump-in-the-breast thing is a learning experience. Take yesterday morning for instance.

For some reason Furniture Man, my temporary name for IT Guy since his mother is crazy as a bedbug and his wife as lumpy as an old couch, likes the alarm to go off 40 or more times before he gets out of bed. It was probably on its 14th ring when he rolled towards me, mammogramming my purple ta-ta. The resulting high-pitched screams are probably why he immediately achieved wakefulness and a coronary on the floor by the side of the bed.

Needless to say, Furniture Man quickly learned to be careful around me and I learned to sleep with my left arm in a permanent reverse Pledge-to-Allegiance position.

This morning, as the alarm blared its 29th ring, Furniture Man warily turned towards me. Sensing he was on the move, I, ever in my reverse Pledge-to-Allegiance position, raised up slightly to protect the purple ta-ta and slammed my mouth into his downward spiraling, sucker-punching fist!

To be honest it wasn't really a fist, just the relaxed hand position we all sleep in. And he really wasn't trying to hit me, just hold me. It was just as much my fault as it was his but nevertheless I did see stars. Not big stars like George Strait and Ally McBeal but D-list ones like Kathy Griffen and Kathy Gifford. There were also eight little stars which I think were the Gosselin children. I didn't see any falling stars so their parents, Jon and Kate, must have been out on dates.

My radiologist called this morning at 10:45 and told me my lump is malignant.


  1. Praying Super Big Texas-Sized Prayers for you and IT...I mean...Furniture Guy.

  2. You listen here Miss.
    You are loved and supported from all sorts of nooks and crannies in this world- even down here in crazy South Texas.
    This is no step for a stepper, and I know you are a stepper.
    You can do it, putting one foot in front of the other.
    This thing just doesn't know who it's dealing with.


  3. ...I have a thing or two to tell that hitchhiker in that tata!!!!Don't Mess with TEXAS!!! Or the Texas Woman!!!!
    If you need reinforcments or anything else I am just a few miles away!!!
    Love Prayers Blessings Strength.

  4. Okay girlie, Here's the deal. I will laugh, joke and cut a rug with you all you want. I will listen, not interrupt and nod my head in agreement with whatever you say. I will always be here to have your back, since you are in control of your front. In return you have to let me do what I gotta do. I will pray fervently for you, I will never let you know that I worry when you tell me not to, I will cuss the doctors when no one is listening and I will always care about matter what. I will also be doing a post My Way! So there!!! Whatcha think about that?

  5. P.S. I will schedule a mammo PDQ. Put a checkmark in that column.

  6. Be tough oh so tough and if you feel you want to scream, curse, be mean, curse some more, do it!!! Ask Questions,,get knowledgable... Just know that we are all here for ya and if we could physically be in your house, we would, holding you close to our hearts, screaming with you...Count on God, He is the good, not the bad. Don't be mad at Him, turn to Him... gentle hugs, Lori

  7. I too am with Deb & Lori. I'm here if you need me, seriously, I think I'm less than an hour away :)

  8. A friend of mine is undergoing surgery for colon cancer at this very minute. Another friend, who had (emphysis on HAD)prostate cancer about ten years ago told him the same thing that his sister told him all those years ago, "You can't kill a weed!" Not that I think of you as a weed, but you do have that same toughness and resilience that you've admired so much in your sister.

    I know I'm rambling. But it's the kind of rambling that comes from not knowing what to say. But still wanting to say something so that you know that I care about you. But I think you already know that. So I guess I'll just shut up and get to praying now.

  9. You Texas girls have your gonna get a whole new boob, I have wanted boobs for years. Lucky you, I will think of you and be jealous......Lauri@chippys

  10. My heart is heavy right now. I have written you three comments and none of them have maybe I am saying the wrong thing, but you know me...I am gonna say it anyway! I have a request and an offer. My request is that you have your dr. make you an appointment at MD Anderson. I will drive many times as you need to go! That is where I went when I was having my breast cancer scare and I owe my health to them right now. Now my cousin is a very well known and skilled oncologist. He did his training at MD Anderson and received multiple honors there. He lectures cancer specialists all over the world. He is the president of a network of cancer clinics. He is the one who has done such a marvelous job with my mother and he saved the lives of several cousins who had breast cancer. He is not easy to get in to see, but I will make you an appointment and I will take you! He is located in the DFW area, but it would be worth your trip! Now, I know that you are a super strong woman, but now is the time to let your friends into your life to help you! You have my email address. Write me. I will do whatever you need done...within reason! :) You know, girlfriend, I think between you and me, we might just drive poor Debbie over the edge! We gotta get you healthy quick!

    Love you!


  11. I would have to say this is one of the only times you don't want the "saying" to be true..."Everything is bigger in Texas." I was told by Alan Jackson that God blessed Texas with his own hand and brought down angels from the promise land, so considering you're an angel I know the good Lord is watching out for you and those ta-tas. But for extra back up I'll be praying for you.
    ~The Sweet Gardenia

    Oh, a quick lesson for those heavy hands you lay next to...give the ol'boys a little flick that usually does the trick!

  12. I'm with Trash Talk, everyone will do what they need to do to put this shitty thing to rest. And, when you've got like the whole state of Texas praying for you, and me out here in California, life will soon be good, I promise! By the way, you write very well in case I never mentioned that to you! Be strong, and again, all of us here in "BloggyWorld" got your back girl!

  13. I know your sister can show you the ropes. MALisa is kicking booty with her request and offer. Take her up. When I walked the breast cancer walk, I was given lots of info and heard lots of great things about . I guess beyond that, you can certainly count on me for prayers. You've got my email and can holler at will. ~Mindy

  14. Well, dammit. That was not the plan. OK, time to regroup. MD Anderson it is. Do we neeeed to get drunk first? I'm ready. Or we could just tell big lies about getting drunk. That always works for me.
    Now I'm going to HAVE to come over and give you a big hug. Let's the get this thing moving so you can get it behind you. Too many survivors out there to think otherwise. And give It Guy a hug for me, and hug those cute spoiled dogs, and the cat, and another hug for you. Jesus, let's get this done, and you on the mend. You have my prayers 24/7, my dear! xxPJ

  15. Cher,

    I am praying and thinking of you. Remember, God hears our prayers.

    Peace, Love and Blessings~

  16. FringeMan gets a kick out of the bumper sticker that says, Save The Boobies. He thinks it's a worthy cause and one he should support. ;-)

    You're just going to have to take those Texas size boots of yours and kick some Texas size butt! You thought you got a lot of blog traffic for using "BUTT" in your titles, just wait until you start using "BOOB".

    You are a woman of great courage and strength and are loved and admired by many. I am praying for you.

    "Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never all." -Emily Dickinson

  17. I am so sorry to hear about this, Cher, and would like to let you know that I have six friends who have had this happen to them and all are well after a number of years, so fight that sucker! A couple had been diagnosed with later stage cancers, too, and still they have come through. I hope yours is early and your treatment will be completely successful. MD Anderson was wonderful with my husband's colon cancer six years ago; and also with several of the above breast cancers. One of my friends went to Methodist in Houston's Texas Medical Center and got top quality care there, too. The odds are on your side! God bless.

  18. Wow, Cher. All of the love and support you are getting is just awesome. Sorry for the circumstances that brought you so much love and prayers. Add my measure to the batch. By the way, my husband is a 3 time cancer survivor and enjoys getting on my nerves daily, thank God!

  19. My initial reaction...much like my reaction when I got a call from my oncologist years ago with a similiar diagnosis. Cher, we've only known each other a short while and only over blog land, but I can tell you are one tough cookie. I'll share the sentiments of all who wrote above me...and if there is anything you need from just ask. Hang in there...attitude will carry you further than you can imagine. xoxox

  20. Hi Cher, make sure you take a friend or Furniture Man with you to your appointments so they can right down notes. It's funny how your memory takes a vacation as soon as you step out of the doctor's office - and all this time all you thought you had to worry about was your flaming purple ta ta! Seriously my thoughts are with you. I had to go through this as well so if you ever want to talk, pls contact me.

    XO, Bonnie

  21. I CAN & I WILL...
    {I'll let you finish the sentence with any phrase you want, as long as it's positive!}
    You are strong Cher and we are counting on you AND we'll be with you while you get through this!!! {even if only in blogland}
    everything vintage

  22. I had the same reaction as Caren when I read this. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and IT guy. Stay strong!

  23. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and say this with me...I have two healthly lovely breast. Say it 5 times. Do this all day everyday. Oh and breath out too.

    Cher honestly beating this thing is 25%physical and 75% mental. If you would like some good exercises in this email me. It's not new age hocus pocus but really affirming mental medication. They use it at the cancer center in OK City.

  24. I am so sorry you have to go through this new challenge. My cousin just finished treatment for breast cancer and I was amazed at the new techniques and treatment she received. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
    --Nelda Ream

  25. How did you ever survive those eight little monsters from hell known as the Gosselin children? If you can do that, then you will make a very good stand with with what you have to deal with now. Seriously, take advantage of every offer you get for anything you need. Put your trust in the hands of a higher power who will guide others to help you. All the best thoughts to you, my friend. Sue

  26. Cher,It's a good time to have about next Mon or Tues and you name the time and place.
    Gladys is right, a postive attitude is very beneficial....but what ever happens, I am here to help you.....take you somewhere or stay with you if you need help or listen if you need to talk.
    In the mean time, I will be praying for you.

    Pruple hugs,

  27. It's me again.
    I know- I'm being a wart.
    Get used to it.
    Now for my favorite ism from my father:

    Keep a tight rein.


  28. I am saying my prayers for you. Atleast you got a good punch in.

  29. Missed you and then you were back with news.

    Oh s#$%^.

    Your humor lightens my day, I know it will see you through. That and all our prayers.

    You go girl.

  30. I just heard of the writing of Kelly Corrigan, a 4 year (so far) breast cancer (stage 3) survivor in her early 40s. Her memoir, The Middle Place, is highly recommended.

  31. Well, dang, Cher! On the other hand, if anyone could make a gut-busting funny, best-seller about tackling tumors, it's you. Seriously. Write everything down-and take care of yourself. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

  32. my goodness girl.look at the support you have.fabulous.count me in here also....Ann


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